Friday, October 8, 2010

Lesson from the pit

It's no fun being in the pit. Energy to create seems nonexistant. Nothing seems worthwhile. The nagging question, "What is it I'm supposed to be doing?" or " Why can't I rouse the energy to do the thing I think I should do?" seems to have no answer. One reaches out in desperation for any rope or ladder to climb out.

If only I would remember a lesson my intuitive drawing gave me years ago: sometimes the very pit of dispair is the earth that nourishes seeds of new energy, new life.  When I finally give myself permission to take a day or two to not think, not try to accopmplish anything, something inside me germinates, and I wake up ready to try a new angle. Or something clicks, and the feeling of uselessness evaporates, replaced by new purpose. 

For me the thing I was struggling with was the Dec Studio Tour. I have always wanted to do this, but now that the deadline to apply is approaching, lethargy set in. Thoughts like "I don't want my life to be about producing more things", and "It's too much work, I'll never sell enough to  make it worth while", and "I can't afford the entry fee and the cost of materials"  nearly stopped me in my tracks.

"The pit into which I have fallen
 has become the wings of my salvation". 
Then the people who had expressed interest in doing it with me backed out, and I thought, "I don't want to do this alone. Do I really want to do this"?

 I finally decided that the purpose beyond financial that made it worth while, was the opportunity to contribute to the spirit of celebration in the community. To light a candle in the dark. To lift the spirits of people who come to my studio.

This morning I woke up knowing I want to do it. I called people I know who have done the tour and asked what made it successful for them. They gave me good ideas and told me who to call for a possible studio share.

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