Standing in the Gap

copyright suzanna leigh 2009

The ducks are gone. In December --and for years-- there have been 200 or more at Tramp Harbor where I
do Qi Gung in the mornings. For months now there have been only about 35, although it is the season when the ducks come in their highest numbers.

The shellfish are dwindling. Clams and oysters, once so abundant in the Puget Sound, are not reproducing.

Where is the heron that once fished at the tide's edge?

I feel grief for a world unraveling. For the innocent dying, innocent people victims of war, innocent birds, victims of a changing climate.

and yet

copyright suzanna leigh 2013

I am happy--Joyous even--in my personal life. I create beauty in my studio. I breathe good clean air at the beach and in my own back yard. I dance with friends. I swim with my grand daughter.

copyright suzanna leigh 2013

And I am in Love.

Grief and Joy in the same cup.

Hiding in this cage--poem by Kabir

I took time this morning to enter the silence deeply, inspired by the Woodcarver story (Feb 21 post). That is the place I want my art to come from, that deep place of Silence. The place beyond judgement, beyond concern for gain or success.

From this place I remembered the name Hazrat Inyat Khan and checked him out on line, finding much that resonates with me. And then I found Kabir: 

hiding in this cage

by Kabir

English version by Sushil Rao
Original Language Hindi

hiding in this cage
of visible matter

is the invisible
lifebird

pay attention
to her

she is singing
your song

Real People: Donna, Actress, Playwright, Artist, and More!

 The beautiful Donna, artist, writer, sign language interpreter, actress, playwright, quilter, and,  inspires me every time I see her.  Somehow, even when she doesn't know where she will be sleeping that night, she keeps a cheerful face and always has an eye out for things that might bring a smile to one of her many friends.

Donna, thank you for being in my life!

Playing in the Studio--an ART Weekend!

Ginger Landree, Chris LeCocq, me, 
and Elizabeth Blake. 

I'm still high. Three of my art buddies came Friday evening for dinner and stayed the weekend, painting on silk! Left to right are: Ginger Landree, Chris LeCocq, me, and Elizabeth Blake. Ginger is looking a little apprehensive because we spilled a bottle of red dye and some landed on her. My green rug may never be the same again, but hey! It was well worth it! I can't think when I've experienced more joy!

I fell in love with Chris's sun!

We Shibori dyed scarves Elizabeth brought, then experimented with resists including a salt solution, and with dyna flow fabric paints. The shibori dyed scarves we did with Jaquard red label dyes are stunning!

Chris LeCocq's Sun was done on an embroidery hoop (hence the white circle) with pebeo water based gutta on silk treated with a salt solution. She finished it off with a very fine point  Bic permanent marker. Then she gave it to me!!

Saturday evening we watched a video of artist Terry Turrell at work, and got even more inspired.

Life can be so dam scary!

I am so dam scared all of a sudden, uncertain about so much in my art business, in my proposed marriage, and in the direction of my art.

Especially the proposed marriage part. Did you notice that handsome man in my last blog post? I am going to marry him.

ACH! Did I really say that? I am 65 and I'm getting married?! Why?! I don't need the financial security. I don't need the social acceptance. I'm terrified of losing my hard won independence. I love making my own decisions without interference from some one else. I love having the house to myself, eating when I'm hungry (or not), thinking my own thoughts through without interruption. Answering to no one but God. Having quiet time whenever I choose.

So why am I getting married?

Well....there's this man, this warm hearted, intelligent, creative, hardworking, resilient man who loves me dearly. Some one I can laugh with, share my innermost thoughts with, praise God with. Someone who knows my history and loves me anyway. Some one who knows my faults and still thinks I'm wonderful. Who shares my values. Some one I can open to fully and know he will never hurt me deliberately, that he will be careful and responsive to me. Willing to face the hard questions life delivers, who will not shy away from the difficult conversations. A true hearted man who will be there for me.

So why the panic?

I am terrified of losing my hard won independence.

Waking up to Spring!

And some days it is warm enough to enjoy outdoor markets!
Here is my love, Rifaat, at his booth in the
Freemont Sunday Market, Seattle

Can you feel it? The sap is rising. Yesterday we saw an eagle carrying a branch several times bigger than herself across the water to build her nest. The buds on the quince are swelling pink. The ducks are mating. And I'm in love, too!

Finally, after a long winter of not being able to focus on the projects I want to do and the classes I want to teach--finally--just today--my brain woke up! Today I did preliminary planning for classes I want to teach in silk painting, and for two projects I want to do.

I want to do a co-operative project with a middle school or high school class that combines:

•  Observation of the birds and sea life at my favorite beach
• A study of it's history--what it was like before the white man came as well as when the pilings supported a dock that welcomed a ferry boat
• Art projects expressing our findings to the community, with an exhibition in a public place.

and I want to draw on my years of sailing in Puget Sound to bring to land bound people an awareness of the water, of what the land is like from a water-based perspective. I want to fill in my years of notes, photos, and paintings with new observations this summer, sailing my little Cat 27 into small harbors and rural places. I want to do a new body of work, paintings on silk or cotton,  to give people in this region a different perspective of this beautiful place.

If you would like to know when I offer classes and how these projects are coming along, I invite you to subscribe to my newsletter. It comes out by email about once or twice a month.

The Woodcarver's Story--Thinking Like An Artist

This story is from the teachings of Chuang Tzu, a Taoist master who lived 2500 years ago:

The Woodcarver

Khing, the master carver, made a bell stand     
of  precious wood. When it was finished,
All who saw it were astounded. They said it must be
The work of Spirits. 
The Prince of Lu said to the master carver,
"What is your secret?"

Khing replied: "I am only a workman. 
I have no secret. There is only this:
When I began to think about the work you commanded
I guarded my spirit, did not expend it 
On trifles, that were not to the point.
I fasted in order to set 
my heart at rest.

After three days fasting,
 I had forgotten gain and success.
After five days
I had forgotten praise or criticism.
After seven days
I had forgotten my body with all it's limbs.

By this time, all thought of your Highness
And of the court had faded away.
All that might distract me from the work
Had vanished.
I was collected in the single thought
Of the bell stand.

Then I went to the forest
To see the trees in their own natural state.
When the right tree appeared before my eyes,
The bell stand also appeared in it, clearly, beyond doubt.
All I had to do was to put forth my hand
And begin.

If I had not met this particular tree
There would have been 
No bell stand at all.

What happened?
My own collected thought
Encountered the hidden potential in the wood; 
From this live encounter came the work
Which you ascribe to the spirits"

from A Hidden Wholeness by Parker Palmer