After Three Days Alone

I woke up this morning wondering, am I still married? Did we really do that thing--that Wedding thing? Is it really REAL??

I get that way after the third night sleeping alone. Maybe because being married is still new.

We are not sharing a house full time yet. He has a house and business north of Seattle, and I live on this island. He's moving over, slowly. Getting his house ready to rent out. Taking care of business. Wishing he was always here. But he's not. Yet.

Then I look at our Vows, framed and hanging on the wall by the door.

           On this day, June 22, 2013
   Suzanna Leigh and Rifaat Rich Osborne
                declare that we will,
with the help of God and our friends and family,
          be true and faithful partners, 
 creating a living and growing life-long union
    that expresses and is an instrument of
                      Divine Love

Yes. Yes that's it. That's what I am about. What we are about together. Creating a living and growing life-long union that expresses and is an instrument of Divine Love.


---And he just called!

OK, So Who Am I TODAY? Thoughts on Business and the Artist

I'm in Limbo once again..... Sometimes not even sure I am an artist! I mean....there is so much else demanding my time!

Summer's nearly gone, tourist buying season nearly over,  and I just can't seem to get the hang of this business thing with art. The demands of business don't fit with how I want to spend my time, what I want to create. The things I want to do don't bring in income, and I'm not sure I want them to.

One of my scarves at
 the Heron's Nest, Vashon, WA

I've been reading Sacred Economics, by Charles Eisenstein. Some of what he talks about I've known inside for quite sometime. Business based on constant growth is not sustainable for the planet. Not ethical for the people. Business thinking means privatizing the things we used to get for free, the "commons", so that some one can make money--and we all need to make money so that we can pay for the things that used to be free. The idea that I need to make an income with my art or I'm not really an "artist" is born of business thinking. We are defined by what we do for income.

bullharky! I want to create art for the joy of creating art and to give to those I love. But I can create so much more than my loves can absorb! Then what?

I'm tired of making scarves for the market. I think I want to return to making beautiful that which is needed. To design patterns on the cloth for the clothing I wear, the curtains for my house. What else?

But I do miss those extra few dollars the business brings in. Is there a balance somewhere?

Discovering Community in the South Sound

Sailing on Eli-Oh this year, we added a whole new dimension to sailing.

When I've sailed the South Sound before, it was pure peace. Except for brief conversations with strangers, it was just me and my late husband or me and my son. And it was nice. Peaceful. Like a Quaker Meeting or a Buddist retreat, or a ....well, just pure peace.

 This year we had the Peaceful times, yes, and we also had community.

We visited family: we dropped anchor in the shallow waters of Van Geldern Cove and rowed ashore to a family gathering in the little town of Home. It was wonderful to meet my new husband Rifaat's aunts, uncles, and cousins, and to hear family memories shared. I fell in love with a little girl less than a year old named Jewel, and her parents, Mindy and Steve.

the galley on Eli-Oh

We visited old friends: The next day we sailed into Olympia to visit with friends we had not seen in 30 years. We tied up at Boston Harbor Marina, where people took shelter from the sun under awnings and listened to music, talked with strangers, nibbled on freshly grilled hot dogs. Children and dogs played on the beach, fishermen bought bait, people sat on benches on the docks and visited or just sat. Some one sang and strummed on a guitar.

As I was recovering from a long sail in too much sun, some one called, "Anyone interested in splitting a 5 pound salmon?" I was. As I carried my half down to the boat, I met a woman coming up the dock. "Oh," she said, eyeing my salmon fillet,  "you got the half salmon." I split it with her and ended up with just enough salmon for our supper and a little for omelets the next day. Perfect for a galley with no refrigeration.

Every morning, James, who has a ham radio license, tuned in to a marine network. We listened to people all over the Sound checking in from their boats, giving weather reports. Sometimes it was "fog so thick I can't see 100 yards", or "It's a beautiful day here. Bright sun, not a cloud in the sky, no wind." (Hunh? bright sun and no wind is not so beautiful to this sailor!)

We had some mini adventures, too. Sometime in the night while tied to a bouy at Penrose Point, we heard splashing. In the morning, the dingy was full of water!  Did an otter or seal visit us during the night and try out the dingy?

We hoisted it up by the spinaker halyard to dump out the water.

On Tuesday, we motored back through the Narrows with gps, compass,  and chart to guide us through fog so thick we could not see either side of the pass! 

Still Married...

One month anniversary this past Sunday. Still married. Still loving it. Still living in Bliss!

That's my boat in the background!

Adjusting to this being "married" is making me embarrassingly spacey, though. Thank goodness my friends are so forgiving!

 

After the ceremony, we literally
 sailed off into the sunset!

 It's the sorting things out.
 NOW what is important to me?
 NOW how do I balance the overload of things I need/want to do?
 NOW how do I set priorities?

Only just tonight was I finally able to get back into the studio and create beauty! My previous attempts this month were dismal failures, but tonight I was able to turn these ugly failures into something beautiful! 

The Wedding

I cherish this from dear Khadija

Rifaat and Suzanna
on their day

A STORY: Many people attend weddings but not everyone there is really "at the wedding" but if you stand at the door and listen, you can discern who was "really there." The first person exits, remarking to his friend, "What a great wedding; all of my friends were there." That person wasn't really at the wedding. A few minutes later a second guest exits remarking, "What a fabulous wedding. The food was incredible!" That person wasn't at the wedding, either. Finally, a third person walks through the door saying, "BARUCH HASHEM! Thank God those two got together!" THAT PERSON was really at the wedding. SO many times on your day I heard some version of the third guest's exclamation and I wholeheartedly agree! Thanks for including us all.
Love  & MORE LOVE,
Khadija

Creating THE DRESS--a Wedding Dress Dyed with Flowers

OK, so I can't sew. Will I let that stop me from creating my my own dress for the Ceremony? Well..... Only God is perfect, so....I'll give it a try. From scratch. Except for actually growing the silk worms and weaving the cloth.

I love silk charmeuse. It is so luxurious!
I ordered 4 yards of silk charmeuse from Dharma trading.
Found a pattern that looked simple yet flattering at the local thrift store.

Picked a bag of blue iris flowers, broke off the stems and any not blue part, and soaked them in cold water for a week.

Even after 2 stays in the dye pot, the charmeuse took up so
little of the dye, that it is more silvery than blue

The cloth arrived 12 days before the ceremony. Everyone is so excited about the ceremony! It is being called a wedding, even though Rifaat and I have decided not to register our relationship as a marriage with the state of Washington or to call it a marriage. You see, to "wed" is to be united; "marriage" is a legal term. I don't want to be "married".

I even get a bachlorette party! Sufi style, with semazens turning!

Oh, the dress.

Charmeuse doesn't take up the dye as readily as crepe de chine, so even after two times in the dye pot, the silk is just a silvery blue. Very nice, but so light it makes me look washed out.


It is now 8 days before the ceremony. It will be a Quaker/Sufi ceremony, with traditional Turkish music, the Lord's Prayer in Aramaic and in English, and Quaker style Silent Worship, out of which we will say our vows.

8 days.

The birds are so beautifully singing! And have the flowers ever been so lovely?

The Dress

I practiced sewing the facing on some left over Charmeuse, then tackled The Dress. Practiced painting the rose.

Practice

Painted a rose on the front using Colorhue dyes, which don't need steaming.
Painted over the rose with soy wax to protect the color.
Pinned the shoulders and sides together and dipped the dress in Jaquard Red Label Silk Dye, Royal Bue.

I used the Jaquard because I like the way it runs and seeps, and the blue is truer right away. The Colorhue blue looks purple until it is painted on the silk, so it's hard to judge what color you will get.

The Dress pieces still dripping after dipping in Royal Blue

To Wed or not to Wed? To Marry or not to Marry?

I don't need to be married. Bob left me in good financial shape. I am happy with my life.

Oh, wait, I was feeling a little lonely before I met Rifaat. It has been 8 years since Bob died. And there is something about being with Rifaat that transcends friendship. Something about the synergy of our core beliefs and energy.

But still. To marry?

So, I've spent the past several months looking into the whys and wherefores of being married. After talking with several lawyers, and--most importantly--with our own inner wisdom, Rifaat and I decided not to register our relationship as a marriage with the state. We want to keep our finances separate and to create a living, growing, life-long union not mired in the assumptions--sometimes unconscious--that marriage entails. I do not recommend this solution to everyone; being legally married to Bob was definitely the right choice at that time.

Some things we considered:
our ages and life expectancies
health insurance or lack of
social security -- how much each of us has invested
property -- each of us has a house promised to our heirs
debt responsibilities
current income projections
Our values and core beliefs
Our children and family needs